


A Paradox

by Detavot



Series: Trying to Understand [2]
Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Baldroy's thoughts, Baldroy-centric, Gen, Haha finally the first chapter is done, Manga, Mangaverse because I don't like the anime characters, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, There's so many tags I wanna add, for now enjoy this, just as my exams begin, mangaverse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-20
Updated: 2018-05-20
Packaged: 2019-05-09 09:41:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14713667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Detavot/pseuds/Detavot
Summary: Earl Ciel Phantomhive was a paradox surrounded by even more paradoxes. A difficult person to deal with, an even more difficult person to understand.But Baldroy still tries.





	A Paradox

**Author's Note:**

> Should I continue this? 
> 
> I'll add additional tags and characters as I write the chapters if you guys would like this to be continued.

    Earl Ciel Phantomhive doesn’t want to be seen as a child, even if he _is_ one.

    This was the first rule every servant of the Phantomhive family (though there was no family to speak of) learned early on. Mey-Rin and Finnian didn't struggle with this rule as much as Baldroy did, since they were younger and didn't have the parental instincts which came with adulthood. The two were content to treat the Master exactly how he wanted to be treated because they just didn't have the emotional capacity to understand what exactly a child was, and Tanaka didn't have the energy to do much of anything.

    Baldroy remembered the first time he had met the young Earl. His big, dark blue eye held such sorrow and he desperately tried to hide it with forced emptiness, cruelty, pride. Baldroy had seen the truth, then: Ciel Phantomhive didn't want to be seen as a child because he _feared_ being a child. And who could blame him? Being a child in this world filled with adults likened to vultures must be absolutely terrifying. He would protect this child, he swore. He would do his goddamn job right this time, he would protect his new family.

    (Of course, they then learned about the "Watchdog" business and Ciel suddenly seemed much more like a vulture than any adult Baldroy had ever met).

    As the months went by, their little family grew closer (and a little larger with the arrival of Prince Soma, Agni, and Snake). The Young Master would occasionally visit them downstairs and ask how things were going, sometimes they’d have short picnics in the grand garden, and rarely they’d go shopping together. The Young Master would hide behind cold reasoning and excuses, he’d glare at them and sometimes scold them, he’d sometimes just sigh and bury his head in his hands. Occasionally, they would shake in their boots with the fear of getting fired, but the Young Master would just give them another half-hearted warning and dismiss them.

    Finnian would bawl his eyes out at the smallest thing and run off to the Young Master. The Young Master would be frustrated, annoyed, sometimes furious. Then he would try to discreetly cheer the blonde. Small, plush toys on the blonde’s bed or amidst the blonde’s favourite flowers, an evening with supposedly cancelled plans to watch films or play games, ownerless chocolate bars in seemingly random places.

    Mey-Rin would mess up the Young Master’s clothes and the mansion’s property. He’d glare at her and sometimes make cruel remarks. Then there would be a helping, invisible hand roaming around the house, sorting through the stuff Mey-Rin needed and trying to get them to the places she would always find them in. New glasses, dresses, and spare shoelaces would be bought and given to her discreetly.

    Snake was one of the most capable ones in their household (second only to Sebastian). But his ‘friends’ and his weird features frightened anyone who ever met or even just saw him. The guy was painfully shy and awkward around humans, he was probably not used to being around humans for an extended period of time, and never really talked for himself. But the Young Master took him in, gave him a home and place, and respected the man’s boundaries and differences. There would sometimes be mice inside the manor, their arrival "unnoticed" by the butler or the master. Sometimes, there would be a few bags or a few pictures of strange people waiting on his bed.

    Baldroy himself wasn't going to be employee of the month anytime soon, either. He destroyed high quality ingredients and the kitchen, caused everyone anxiety when a guest was coming, and his manners were downright unacceptable for a servant for such a powerful family. The Young Master’s eye would narrow, he’d call him names, his eyebrows would furrow in irritation. And yet, the Young Master still allowed him inside the kitchen, and bought him the weapons he had his eye on.

    The library was open to them, too, as long as it wasn't occupied by either the Young Master or his guests. He had once said that ignorant servants were worthless, and had encouraged them to read from his vast collection. Finnian liked to read the children stories hidden away in the lower shelves, and they had all read the stories Tanaka pointed out as the Young Master’s favourites. Baldroy read books about war just to see what the authors thought about it. Mey-Rin liked the romance novels the Young Master kept for the Lady Elizabeth. Snake liked a little of everything. Occasionally, Mey-Rin come across a novel that suspiciously met all of her criteria. Sometimes, Baldroy would find magazines that the Young Master was too young to be interested in. Finnian would come across a new and colorful story full of new words to learn, Snake would randomly find the one book he’d always wanted to read. They never thanked the Young Master verbally; they knew accepting his gifts silently was the best way to go about it. That didn't mean they just pretended it never happened, though; they wore big and stupid grins for a whole week while doing their chores.

    Their Young Master was more like the parent they'd never had than the child he actually was, and Baldroy found this thought too demented even for people like them.

    There were a lot of things Baldroy didn't know about the Young Master. Some nights, his screams would echo in the mansion and make everyone anxious. It was impossible to tell what his next mood would be or even if he was sane. Baldroy didn't know when Sebastian and he had met or the nature of their relationship, nor did he know what exactly the Young Master thought most of the time. Baldroy didn't know what the Young Master had lived through, he didn't know what being "the Queen’s Watchdog" really meant. He didn't know how many skeletons that child hid in his (apparently) very large closet, he didn't know how exactly the child coped with all of this death around him. Baldroy did not know the story behind the eyepatch.

    But Baldroy did know how the Young Master’s eye would light up when the success of his company was mentioned. Baldroy knew the small but genuine smile that would show itself whenever the Young Master was told that he resembled his father. He knew how the child would test every product personally to make sure of its quality, to make sure they could make people happy. Baldroy knew every scratch on the Young Master’s desk was caused by them, and he also knew that the boy never covered up the imperfections no matter how many times Sebastian pointed them out with irritation. He knew how the Young Master tried to care in his own way. He knew how his uncovered eye would soften just the tiniest bit while talking to the Lady Elizabeth or Prince Soma and Agni.

    Old Man Tanaka would sometimes tell them stories, and the Lady Elizabeth would leave lingering comments. Occasionally, Prince Soma and Agni would also be present for the stories of the past, and would listen to them as if their lives depended on it. Baldroy loved the story about the Young Master’s cruel(?) pet dog, which would drive its nose into the child’s side whenever it wanted to play or remind the child of something. Snake favoured the story of the Young Master’s toy shop idea. The rest liked every single story and found it hard to choose favourites.

    Knowing anything about the Young Master’s past was exciting and great, but Baldroy wouldn't have minded if he didn't know a single thing. The boy’s past had already happened, nothing in it could ever changed, but the boy’s present and future were still with them. As long as they were here, they could make the boy’s life a little brighter. Maybe they could not make it as bright as his past had been, maybe they could never take the burden of ‘that month’ from his tiny shoulders; but they could _try_ , damn it!

    Baldroy was proud to observe that little by little, the Young Master was withdrawing from his little shell. His smiles were so very rare and so very tiny, but they were there and they were genuine. His eye, which had once been so hateful and guarded, had a bit more warmth in it. His posture, which had once been rigid and as straight as an arrow, was a bit more relaxed around them. His horrible attitude was still driving so many people away, but at least it was seeming more like _his_ horrible attitude and not someone else’s. His games were still cruel but they now had a small (a microscopic amount, really, but that was still an improvement) amusement in them. He was a bit more honest about his feelings, and blushed a bit more easily.

    Baldroy couldn't help but notice how the Lady Elizabeth began to distance herself from the Young Master when he started to improve. Baldroy couldn't help but notice how Sebastian always seemed to be following the Young Master like a shadow and giving advice behind closed doors. ( _Following_ _him_ _like_ _the_ _devil_ _and_ _whispering_ _in_ _his_ ear _like_ _a_ _snake_ ).

    Their Master was only a small kid. He needed to be taught how to be a little brat, how to throw a tantrum, how to get along with other kids, how to get away with stealing sweets, how to play harmless games, how to do something because you just _felt_ like it… But he only knew too well how to keep quiet, how to make negotiations, how to screw over an entire business, how to play such cruel games, how to _demand_ for sweets, how to do something only to achieve his goals. Tanaka and Sebastian considered this a good thing and encouraged it, but Baldroy and the others just couldn't bring themselves to let the kid grow up so fast. So, they all played childish games with the Young Master and talked to him about the children stories they read.

    Earl Ciel Phantomhive doesn't want to be seen as a child, even if he _is_ one. That's why he sometimes needs to be treated as exactly what he is. Baldroy didn't mind. Willing to do everything the master needed, whether he himself was aware of it or not; _that's_ what made a Phantomhive servant. 


End file.
